“Disciplining Your Child”
Free toddlers activity & child discipline guide

Too many parents in this country are unwilling to discipline their children. They demand too little in the way of good conduct and do not hold kids accountable for bad behavior. They have been convinced by mental health professionals and early childhood development experts that children need to feel good about themselves above all. Building self esteem has taken the place of forming good character.

Some mums and dads have come to believe that is their duty to erase frustration, disappointment, and boredom from their children’s lives, and help them be happy at all times. Others feel guilty because neither the parent is around for most of the day. They do not want to spoil what little time they have together by punishing when kids misbehave.

They fear that discipline may be misunderstood as withholding affection. Embarrassed about their own authority, they act like they are not sure how to accept the responsibility of being an adult in charge of a child-as if they are more comfortable being a pal than a parent. This sets the stage for ongoing issues of control in the home.

We should not be surprised if these parent’s children grow into students who do not want assignments that call for hard work, who have to be entertained as they are educated, and who complain when they are asked to meet high standards. After all, they are used to something else. We should not be surprised to hear teachers remark that their classrooms are full of young people who think of little but themselves. We should not be shocked if young adults do not understand that self gratification is not the goal of life, and that there are real world consequences for bad behavior.

If you do not discipline your child in the early years, you areinculcating some awful habits, attitudes, and expectations thatare liked to carry in to the school years and beyond. You aredenying your child a critical part of a good education. If youwant him to turn in to a good student and a morally strongperson, you cannot be reluctant to correct bad conduct. Achild’s self esteem is far more resilient than many parentsthink and many experts imply. In the long run, a child’sself-respect will be greater if he has developed a solid senseof self control.

There is no single right way to discipline. Differentapproaches including scolding, time-outs, spanking, removal ofprivileges each work with different children, ages, andcircumstances. Yet effective methods share some common traits:Parents are firm about maintaining limits. They set the clearrules so children have no doubts about the boundaries ofacceptable behavior. They make sure kids know the consequencesof unacceptable conduct, and they remain consistent aboutenforcing the rules. They leave no question about who has thefinal say when disagreements arise.

Parents punish when necessary, but thy also praise and rewardgood behavior. They try to live up to the standards they setfor their children. When parents do wrong themselves, they setand example by apologizing and accepting responsibility. It isimportant that children see adults facing up to their ownmistakes. It is also important fo them to understand thatgrown-ups’ shortcoming are not an excuse for kids to misbehave.

It is critical that parents agree on the boundaries ofacceptable behavior and the type of discipline to be used. Makesure regular baby sitters and day care providers follow the sameline. It is a recipe for trouble when a child gets mixed signalsfrom the various adults who are supposed to be in charge.

As in most successful activities, effective discipline involvesmoderation and common sense. Parents must be realistic about theabilities of young children. Obviously, the younger the child,the less adults can expect in the way of self-control.Effective disciplinarians set reasonable rules, manageablelimits, and fair punishments. They do not govern for the sakeof control. Rather, they recognize their children’sindividuality, and allow them to exercise as much autonomy aspossible. They leave room for mistakes, knowing that childrenare not angels and that forgiving is part of a parent’s job.

Finally, effective discipline includes one essentialingredient: parents let their daughters and sons know over andover that they care more than anything else about theirchildren’s well being, and that they discipline out of love.

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“ Discipline: When Is It Ok To Spank Your Child?”
Free toddlers activity & child discipline guide

Many of us grew up in families in which parents were not afraidto spank their children. Today, however, the political climatehas shifted and it has become politically incorrect to spank.Yet I can tell you as both a mother and clinical psychologistthere are times when a good spanking can work like a charm.

But what does a "good spanking" mean? For a spanking to beeffective, parents need to follow certain rules. First, youmust keep in mind that disciplining your child should be doneto change the child's behavior – not to inflict pain. So whenyou spank your child you should never strike him or her withyour hand; to do so, reduces your reaction time and turns yourhand into a weapon. Instead, use a harmless object such as aplastic spoon, which you might dub "Mr. Persuasion."

While you don't want to spank a child who is having a tempertantrum because that will only make the problem worse, aspanking may be perfectly appropriate when a young childpersists in doing something dangerous after your attempts toreason with him have failed. Negotiating with a child andgiving him a time out have their place, but a child who runsout in the street after repeated warnings not to, or afive-year-old who continues to hit his younger sister afterbeing told to stop, may only "get the message" after beingspanked.

A properly performed spanking will cause your child to thinkabout his behavior and give him ownership of his actions.

Of course, no two children are the same and every child has adifferent temperament. Some kids will "get the message" andnever need the added persuasion of a little "love pat," as Iaffectionately called it with my own children.

Should you choose to spank, use it sparingly and thoughtfully;never treat it as an empty threat and never perform a spankingin public where the child may experience humiliation. If youwarn your child that he will be spanked if he continues tobreak a rule and you have outlined the consequences forbreaking that rule, it is fine to say, "If you continue to hityour sister, you will be spanked."

In my practice, I see a lot of parents who have spoiledchildren because they never spanked them or disciplined them inany way. You can learn from their failures by not letting yourchildren walk all over you beginning at a young age.

Parents have to expect that they will need to discipline theirchildren over many years. Granted, disciplining your child is atough role to play but it is a necessary one as children arehardwired to misbehave. It is natural for them test your limitsas they grow into separate individuals. Smart, confident parentswill remember that spanking can be an important tool in theirdiscipline arsenal. They must remember also that the goal ofdisciplining is to teach your children accountability and thatthey always have a choice.

© Maryann Rosenthal – All Rights Reserved

About The Author: Are you doing as good a job at parenting asyou think? Visit http://www.drma. com to download a free reportcard that lets both you and your child rate your parentingskills. Maryann Rosenthal, Ph.D., is an international authorityon family dynamics who is often featured on television news.

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