“Appreciate Your Child”
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Eileen Hayes
Books and magazines about raising children - especially about babies, toddlers and teens - have never been more popular. Yet there's a whole hidden area of childhood in-between that almost no one seems to write about.
Building for the years to come
Perhaps these years are so problem-free that parents don't often seek advice. Certainly children from about six to 12 often seem eager to please their parents, are keen to copy the behaviour of those they admire and most love to spend time with their families.
You should be working at building self-esteem, while nurturing the relationship you have with him before the more tricky days of adolescence come along. Throughout these years you need to make sure he has love, isn't under too much pressure to 'measure up' in particular ways and is appreciated for being himself. It's also during these years that you have the greatest opportunity to teach your values and beliefs before your child turns outwards from your family towards peers during adolescence.
Use these years to spend time together - answer questions, especially those of a moral nature, and give facts about alcohol, drugs and sex before it becomes too difficult to talk.
These are the years when your child still wants to be close to you - make the most of them!
Tips for good relationships
Keep up positive communication talking and listening, or it may become impossible in the teen years.
Allow as much independence as possible - even if it involves some risks. Children need to discover things through their own mistakes.
Give lots of praise. Children already get too much criticism at school, from friends, in competitive games etc. You can help build their self-esteem and self-worth.
Help develop your child's conscience. Explain the rules of behaviour and why they are important. Don't expect too much - parents sometimes fall into the trap of measuring their children with an adult yardstick which means they'll always fall short. Avoid doing this with your children.
Be positive, not negative. Avoid using cross words, scolding your child or finding fault too often: "You haven't washed your face properly", "Your clothes don't look right" or "I knew you were going to spill that". Let your children be children. They have an absolute right to be immature and to grow up gradually. Parents often expect too much too soon and this can lead to children feeling pressurised. Parents usually do this because they love their children and want them to be the best they can be - but too much pressure gives the message that your child isn't "measuring up" and can dent his self-worth.
Teach by example. Your children are bound to imitate what they see you do. The best way to get your children to do what you want is to demonstrate it, not order them to do it!
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