“Childhood Fears Take New Form”
Free toddlers activity & Parent Child Development guide parenting article

By Abigail Natenshon Author of When Your Child Has An Eating Disorder

- From his viewing chair, a father criticizes a television personality for how fat she looks in her evening gown.

- A brother speaks disparagingly about his girlfriend’s hip size, claiming she needs a “license for the wide-load.”

- - The father of a 5 year old tells her jokingly that she will develop a “Buddha belly” if she puts butter on her bread. - A child states that more important than getting A’s in school is being accepted by the “popular group.” Her parents make no comment.

Believing that outward appearance is a reflection of inner quality, children with body image concerns develop a sense of who they are (physically and emotionally) and how they should behave by internalizing messages about themselves from others. Children lacking self-esteem and who seek acceptance and approval are particularly sensitive and susceptible to the perceptions of parents, family, peers and the media. Body image concerns may be precursors to eating disorders. Even when they do not lead to clinical disease, however, they deserve attention so the child can learn to enjoy a healthful relationship with food.

Parents may contribute to the problem

Parents may inadvertently and unwittingly contribute to their child’s body image issues. Disparaging or critical parental messages sent to a child about his or her appearance may create or reinforce body image concerns, as well as a lack of self-acceptance, poor self-esteem, and food fears and obsessions.

When parents harbor unresolved weight-related and body image issues of their own, these issues may be passed down to children as a legacy, from generation to generation. One study showed that anorexic mothers raised children who by age five whined more, demonstrated eating problems, and manifested signs of depression.

Children learn best by example, overhearing their parents complain about their own weight and need to diet, watching them restrict food or exercise excessively. Kids are quick to pick up on the signals of parents who skip meals, purchase and eat only lite or fat-free foods, or who do not consider it a priority to prepare and provide three meals a day and to sit down to eat them together with their family.

Poignant messages are also communicated by what parents choose not to do and to say. When parents do not actively refute poor values or misconceptions in their children, they may find that they are perpetuating and reinforcing them; if they fail to actively negate the child’s belief that popularity and peer acceptance is as important as learning and academic achievement, the child’s own worst fears and misconceptions are realized and validated. If not part of the solution, parents are in danger of becoming part of the problem.

Parents are confused

Bombarded by conflicting media messages about how to stay fit and live long, parents have become increasingly food phobic and in many instances, as confused as their children;

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