“Spoiling Children”
Free toddlers activity & Parent Child Development guide parenting article The Myths

By Chick Moorman & Thomas Haller Authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose

Myth #1 You will spoil your baby if you handle her too much. You should let her cry sometimes.

Reality: You can not spoil a baby. Babies need to be touched, squeezed, coddled, and held. Babies cry because they are hungry, sick, wet, messy, or desire attention. Pick up your baby and hold her. Do it as often as you like.

Reality: It is desirable and an example of effective parenting to teach children they can have anything they want. They may have to work for it though. And they may not get it at this moment.

When you are shopping and your child asks, “Can I have one of those?” respond with, “Sure, how are you going to pay for it?” or “What are you willing to do to get it?” Ask, “How much money do you have?’ or “”Do you have a plan for getting it?”

Our job as parents is to help our children learn they can have whatever they want if they are willing to work for it. During the process of figuring out how to get whatever it is they desire, they may learn about problem-solving, planning, setting priorities, and goal achievement. They may even come to see themselves as being able to create what they want in their own lives. That is about as far from being spoiled as you can get. We call this phenomena self-responsibility.

Myth #3 Spoiled children exist.

Reality: There is no such thing as a spoiled child. Spoiled is an inference, a judgment that people make after noticing behaviors.

Are there children who act as if they are entitled? Yes. Are there children who whine until the parents cave in? Yes. Are there children who pout if they don’t get their way? Yes. Are there children who seem unappreciative of small gifts? Yes. Does that make them spoiled? NO. It makes them children who have learned or are trying out new behaviors in an attempt to get what they want.

Children who do the behaviors in the paragraph above are not spoiled. They are children who are choosing inappropriate behaviors, behaviors that need to be redirected, that need to be replaced with other choices. These are children that need to be taught more effective ways of interacting, of asking for what they want, of expressing their feelings.

Myth #4: Spoiled is a good descriptor of some children.

Reality: Spoiled is never an accurate descriptor of children. Spoiled does not describe a behavior. It judges it.

Do not label children as spoiled. Not aloud, nor in your head. When you label children as spoiled you tend to believe they are spoiled. When you believe they are spoiled you are more likely to notice anything they do that could be interpreted as spoiled. When you see things that can be interpreted as spoiled you prove your belief to yourself that the child is indeed spoiled. Your belief then becomes entrenched and you eventually communicate your belief to your child and she begins to see herself as spoiled.

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