“What it means when your child is Being Stubborn and what to do about it”
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BEING STUBBORN….
At times throughout their lives, our children will be SO stubborn.
This behavior can have a huge affect on our mood, leaving us at our wits end.
Children think on a completely different plane to adults.
A stubborn child will stand his ground, causing an up-roar to have his way and sometimes to the point you are being told by your child the way it is.
Picture this, its mid summer and you think taking the kids to the local pool would be great for them, and of course everyone is excited.
Only one problem, your three year old is determined to wear his favorite pair of jeans into the pool to swim in.
You try to explain how hot it is outside, and its not a good idea to go to the swimming pool in his jeans, you can turn yourself inside out and explaining why he can not wear his jeans.
But he is still determined, so then you tell him the people that run the pool won’t allow him to go swimming in his jeans, it seems nothing you say will break the determination of your child begging to gain himself an identity.
The reason for your child’s Stubbornness, is more than likely to do with the fact that he feels pretty good wearing his jeans, and that’s what its all about finding out what makes him feel happy, he is trying to make a statement with what he is wearing.
He is just simply saying, “Look at my new jeans, aren’t they great.”
In the end of the argument you and your child only wind up angry and frustrated.
How Your Child May Be Feeling…
I really would like to go to the pool with mum, and wear my favorite clothes to show everyone. My clothes show who I am, and I feel pretty good inside when I am wearing them they are my favorite.
I don’t understand why she wont let me wear them, she is getting upset with me and I am getting mad at her. Mum doesn’t even know what I like to wear.
I know wearing my jeans would be the best thing for me to do, mum doesn’t know who I am.
I am going to put my jeans on, and when mum sees how happy they make me, she’ll understand. If I wear what mum wants, I will lose part of my identity. If I do what mum wants, I lose but, what about how I feel. I feel so confused and don’t know what to do.
I’m feeling powerless. Now I may well lose all.
The Meaning Of Being Stubborn…
Your child is in the procedure of finding his identity by what he wears, and with the choices he makes, he must hold onto them stubbornly, as they are apart of him becoming his own person.
Your child basically doesn’t think as wisely, as you do. Your child responds emotionally to something that shows who he is and when this happens it’s showing strength in his personality. It’s all part of building who he is.
The positive way to look at your child’s stubbornness is, as he grows up the ability to stand up for his believes not to mention great character building.
Your child will eventually give up the stubbornness as he learns to communicate and negotiate more as well as other individual strengths.
Solving Stubbornness…
Your child wants to wear jeans on a hot day and that’s that. Tell him I know how good you look in your favorite jeans and you want to wear them to day. Then tell him things like, its really hot outside, the sun is so nice.
After that make a comment about your self like, I’m so glad I put my shorts on; the breeze is nice on my skin. You are putting the focus on how you feel wearing your shorts and not telling him what to do.
Don’t worry about the shorts issue just yet, let your child know you are taking a pair of shorts in case he changes his mind and gets to hot.
Guaranteed, after five to ten minutes in a hot car he will have his shorts on in no time. Just go along with him, for now he is happy to make the decision to put his shorts on without you persuading him.
Let Your Child Know The Consequences Of His Desire…
So long as our children are in no danger, allow your children to experience the consequences of the decision made, keeping in mind, you may need to provide for their change of mind.
If we allow this to happen, not only does it make the arguing less intense, but it will also teach them that they can sometimes be wrong and maybe mum and dad do know a bit better than them.
When your children decide to change their minds don’t do what many parents do and say, “I told you so.”
Saying things like this only adds insult to injury and takes the power of learning away from your child and shows them you are more powerful, right at that point they are learning about their power to make a decision, not yours.
Guide and assist your child to develop their best personality.
What Not To Do:
Don’t Engage A Power Struggle…
The last thing needed with our children is a power struggle.
When we try to show our child that we are stronger, we are realistically only putting ourselves at our child’s level which teaches him nothing to prepare him for the real world.
If anything it may teach him to be fearful throughout life, or once bigger and old enough, use those same tactics to force others against their will.
Don’t Scare Or Make Your Child Comply…
Scaring our children or forcing them to comply with our rules is not on.
This senseless act went out with the cave men, it will only make your child know to relate fear to their actions, and they don’t learn the how’s and why’s or the real consequences of what they have done.
It’s best to take the diplomatic approach.
Article contributed by Theresea Hughes, creator of
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