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“Dealing with kids Bad Attitude & Other Behaviour Problems”
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PUTTING UP HIS GUARD
As your child gets older there are many changes around the age 4 to 5 years old, you may find your child using language you know he hasn’t heard in the family home, to frighten other children.
If your child prefers to play with a younger child, it may be more to do with ordering the younger child around rather than actually playing with him.
When speaking to your child concerning his behavior with the younger child, he may tell you his reason is to show everyone he is big enough to be the boss.
You may not approve of the manner your child treats other children, but also at this point you may also notice your child is developing the makings of a leader, you may then wonder whether you should encourage this, or may be help him understand he must treat other children fairly and not be so bossy.
BIGGER THAN HIS BOOTS:
This is an example of what your child may be feeling while discovering his powerfulness, or boss type behavior:
Gee, I feel so big and strong that I want to show the little kid next door who’s boss. He is younger than me he’s only three, but I’m a big four.
I heard a bigger kid calling a little kid “dummy”, so I think I will use the same word on the kid next door.
Boy this “dummy” word really works, what a great word to use when I’m showing people who’s boss.
It might be more fun to play with him, and when no one is around I can be the boss of him because he is younger, I’ll be in charge of him and know exactly what I’m doing.
Now mum is watching us play, I know mum will be surprised, when I show her how I can play and get to play with his truck and have my own way with the kid next door.
I’ll be the tough kid from next door, and then I’ll be sure to play with his truck.
Yep, it worked he does what ever I say, I must be so much bigger and stronger than I thought.
Developing The Power:
Your child is going through a necessary developing stage, powerfulness.
You may notice at times your child acts powerful, and you may also notice his powerfulness will often be used to protect himself over someone else rather than show his real feelings.
Naturally at this age your child hasn’t yet learnt to be firm instead of forceful.
Name-calling, bulling, and making demands over others are all ways that your child protects himself, but more than likely your child is feeling quite unsure.
Your child now wants to do the job you have been doing for him, but he’s not to positive about protecting himself, so when your super touch kid appears, it is usually to demonstrate to others he has power.
But really what he is doing is trying to prove to himself that he is bigger and stronger.
In your child’s moment’s of glory, he also faces the down falls of his powerfulness, with his feeling’s so easily dampened by the fear that he may not be able to obtain what he need’s on his own.
Your child has successful learned how to manipulate with someone else’s belonging’s, toy’s and other object’s.
Now it’s time to put to the test on people, and the little kid next door is perfect for he is younger which allows your child to use his powerfulness to manipulate and have control.
Manipulation also work’s as his protector—as it is used in a way for your child to gain what he thinks or feels he need’s.
Your 4-year child has the ability to manipulate; he finds it a very powerful skill.
It is now up to your parenting to teach your child a better way to use his valued skill, by making him aware there are more acceptable ways to have his needs met.
Make a start, have him honestly communicate his needs; this will put a stop to your child manipulating you.
Another way is may be teaching your child to manipulate at least in a less powerful manner, in ways more acceptable, in which you approve.
His Protection:
Teach your child about being self-protective.
Explain to your child, that each child should have some idea on protecting himself for there are times in everyone’s life, even grownup’s, feel weak and powerless in the company of someone stronger, than they are.
Be sure to tell your child there is nothing wrong with these feelings.
The next thing we need to tell our child, is we need to find way’s to protect ourselves, with ways that help us, without causing harm to others.
For example, when someone tells your child to do something he doesn’t want to do, your child may feel like pushing the other over to hurt him or her, but then he is in trouble with you.
Tell your child there is another way, instead of doing it that way, replace his actions with words and, say ‘No, I don’t want to’, or he could say ‘mum wont let me’.
Which also help’s your child not being in trouble with you.
Then make your child aware to come and tell you what happened, as soon as he can, also be sure to let your child know it is ok to use mum or dad for an excuse anytime he feels threatened by others.
But have it known to your child to tell you what went on immediately
Set Limits On Hurtful Words:
Put a stop to your child calling other children names; don’t let your child take advantage of the younger or less-able child with his hurtful behavior.
Although your child needs to develop his sense of powerfulness, make it a known rule that, he may not, at anytime, do so by taking advantage of others.
Teach your child different ways to get the things he needs, if he wants to play with the other child’s toy truck, tell your child to ask if he could play with it for a while, or when the other child has finished playing.
It may take a few lessons from you to show your child how to manage this step.
Teaching Your Child To Manipulate You:
You will be one step ahead in this area if you tell your child at an early stage how you want to be treated by him to get his way or to have what he wants.
Say to him, “if you want me to take you out any where, ask me in a normal manner and I’ll do my best for you”.
But if you start with the tears and tantrums, we go nowhere and stay home.
Support The Efforts Of Your Childs Self Protection:
When you see your child trying to protect himself, give your child your approval and make a positive comment, “it’s great to see you protecting your self.”
Then if you think its needed say to your child, “may be he could try and use a calmer tone in his voice”, or you may feel it necessary to say, “I really don’t like hearing you calling someone names.
Remember Not To Do….
Do not use the parental power to get your child to do thing’s he doesn’t want to do.
Many parent’s have the idea that children should automatically do as they are asked, and without any fuss.
But having this approach only teaches powerlessness in your child, which is likely to appear later causing problems.
Children need to be taught how to take their power within respectable boundaries.
On the other side of the coin is either becoming a victim or a criminal in later years.
This only makes a less-responsible person, and in the long term will cost the person and society dearly.
Not to expect your child to protect himself against bigger odds. If you let your four-year-old stand up to defend himself alone against an older child and your child is always on the losing end, this usually involves one of two as the outcome:
Your child gets the feeling and believes he has to fight for everything, or the other outcome is your child learns to feel withdrawn and helpless all his life, always in a no win situation.
Your child needs to feel you are there to protect him always; so long lasting problems don’t evolve.
It is important to remember, not to over protect your child to the extent it interferes with their personal development.
Article contributed by Theresea Hughes, creator of
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